“Flatulence” is just a nice way of saying “Fart” when in the company of classy people talking about art and weather with lips kissing glasses containing vintage wine. The word might be made socially acceptable by the usage of a synonym that sounds less tainted than the original. But that doesn’t change the reputation of its actual meaning, does it?

How far can you go

How wild can you dream

How high can you jump

How deep can you dive

How fast can you run

How long can you sleep

How much can you eat

How happy can you be

The list will never cease to grow.

There is a time and place for everything.

But do I really need to know?

That there ain’t a time for nothing.

One fine morning, curiosity inspired me to waste some time by scanning the advertisements in the Weddings section of the newspaper. After 5 minutes, I found a not-so-surprising similarity in all the adverts. Everyone wanted a ‘fair’, ‘good-looking’, ‘good-complexion’ woman. There wasn’t a single advert without a specification of that kind.

And I wondered…

What about all the women who are not ‘fair’, do not have a ‘good complexion’, and hence, cannot be classified as ‘good-looking’ by the confused Indian multicultural society.

Questions flooded my mind – Is fairness a primary and necessary trait for a beautiful woman? If someone is fair, but not good looking, is she considered good looking? If someone is good looking, but not fair, is she considered good looking?

ACTIVATE: T.H.O.U.G.H.T PROCESS [Temporary Hiatus Of Understanding Given for Heavy Thinking]

Yeah I know the above line doesn’t make any meaning. Never mind. Let us move on.

So what was I talking about?

Yeah.

1. College life is pretty exhausting. You’ll wish you had 30 hours to spend each day (20 in college, 4 at home, and 6 under the covers in your bed.)

2. Chances are, that all the good looking girls end up in the other classrooms.

3. Chances are, you’ll have a crush on a senior “didi” (sister) as well as your humanities ‘mam’.

4. Chances are, a lot of people will be after the person you’re after. [Update: Not applicable for me anymore. But aptly applicable for others for sure. Heavy competition. I hope you understand.]

5. Chances are, you’ll discover earlier than expected, how inexperienced you are, with non-boys.

6. Whoever said that ragging is a type of self-education, was a dumb-head (I wanted to say D*ckhead initially, but then I thought dumb is more appropriate than duck. ‘U’ get me?)

7. New words will be added to your vocabulary under the category of ‘slangs’. Even if you use them or not, at the very least, you’ll know what the ‘rickshaw-puller’ just said to the rash driving taxi.

8. You can easily be what you want to be no matter what you were before – The studious first bencher, the last bench prankster, the all-class sleeper, the sportsman, the rockstar, the cool dude, the nature-boy, the talkative, the thug, anything you want to be.

9. Each and every moment, you’ll be creating memories you know that you’ll cherish forever.

10. And yes of course, you’ll learn some physics, mathematics, mechanics, electrical, electronics, and humanities. Not that it is important – it’s just that a part of the money that your parents pay for a happy college life, is donated to a bunch of incoherent fools who write something called a ‘syllabus’ and you’ve got to follow that the night before your exams. (Yes, you’ll learn to insult your Board as badly as that).

Anyway, the upper and lower eyelids of my eyes are begging for some intimate time together. I hope I’ll be back sooner than you can say, “The Xeno forgot that he has got a blog.”

40 followers??? How can I ever forget you guys?

‘S’ was right. Nothing really happens when you plan for it.

I remember waking up one morning and rushing upstairs into an empty room to write in my personal diary, about the dream that I had, lest I should forget the details. I had dreamt that I had met S. It probably wasn’t a date but something was weirdly wonderful about that dream. You all must have had those dreams in which you wake up in the morning and you feel super good, and your heart keeps on racing till you share the details of that dream with someone, or at least write it down somewhere. This was one of them.

Note: I’ve seen a number of dreams about S but most of them are so unreasonably-imaginative-with-fairy-tale-cum-filmy-content that I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself by sharing them here.

I’ve seen S very few times in the real world. I’ve only chatted a LOT and talked a FEW times over the phone. Opportunities to meet her and talk face-to-face in a proper manner were virtually extinct. So somewhere within my subconscious self, I’ve had a burning desire to meet her in a ‘proper’ manner aaaaaaand just spend some time with her. Okay, Okay, spend ‘quite’ some time or rather, a LOT of time with her. That would explain those dreams.

Personally, I’m quite choosy about everything. That includes non-boys. I’ve had ‘crushes’ only on blue moon days… yes days – which happened once in my lifetime – oh! Come on! You know! You read my previous post didn’t you. So, S has been the only member in my crush list, and she has been active since the first day I met her. The more I get to know her, the more nicer I find her to be.

So I met her yesterday. And my dream came true. There have been a lot, trust me, a LOT of people who have said horrible things about her to me. I guess they were jealous, envious, or just crazy. I used to wonder, “Why isn’t there anything that I dislike about her? Maybe I’ll find out the day I meet her”. And surprisingly enough, even after meeting her, I never found anything that I could dislike.

I met her for 2 hours and 10 minutes approximately. Regrettably, I wasted the first 1 and half hour behaving like a complete jerk – just staring and smiling at her and stammering utter rubbish. But then I went to the KFC counter for two drinks and shook my head wildly cursing myself. And when I returned to her, I was a bit more normal than before, but not entirely myself yet. I really haven’t yet found out the reason why that happens to me. Every single time she is near me, my brain stops functioning. Initially, it was the same for every random girl. But then I overcame that shyness. But then, it happened again in front of S. In fact, I’ve given it a name too – The ‘S’ Effect – what a dangerous disease! Pray for me!

S was awesome! She looked really pretty in her white dress. I loved her voice, which was better than the voice over the phone. At a point of time, I couldn’t help keep smiling at her without any apparent reason, as she went about expressing herself in her own way – her face reflecting the multitude of emotions while she shook her head and adjusted her hair all the while.

Time passes – woosh! My father, who was waiting to pick me up outside the mall, thinking that I’m busy reading a book in the Starmark bookstore, was giving me incessant missed calls (actually I wasn’t accepting the calls and had kept the phone on silent mode). The most disturbing thing when you’re meeting a special friend is your father calling you up and saying, “Where are you? I’m waiting.”

Dear Father, I’m having the time of my life here. Why don’t you just go away and come back after many hours?

I wished that I could stay there forever – staring at her as long as I could while listening to all that she had to say.

While we were leaving – I didn’t know what to say – maybe because I was feeling really bad that we had to part. I wished that we could have stayed longer. It was really hard. But I managed to say good-bye and walk away, assuring myself that we’ll meet again.

I’m thankful to the person who has written the story of my life. He is truly the best story-teller. And I can’t wait to find out what surprises he has in store for my in my future.

Till then, I’ll just hope and pray that …

Oops! You don’t share your prayers with others! Childhood superstitions! Sorry!

This article was originally written on 18^th December, 2010 and published on one of my previous blogs which is going to be deleted. Through this article, I want to introduce to everyone, a close friend of mine. You can call her ‘S’.

The article below was previously read only by ‘S’ because it was published as a password protected post. I am publishing this here so that you too can get to know her and when you read my next blogpost, hopefully you won’t say “What the hell is he talking about? Rubbish!”

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