So, do you really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want to know how to do it?

Very well.

Disclaimer Notice: The following article is purely educational and informative and the author has no intention to influence his readers to eternal psychosis.

Statutory Warning: The following methods have been performed by the highly trained specialist individual named ‘The Xeno’ under divine supervision. Please do NOT try this at home. You MAY however try this at your Father-In-Law’s home.

Take a deep breath. And follow these ‘simple’ instructions given below.



Step 1: Yogic Postures






  • Firstly, you will have to perform - The Ashtanga Yoga.

















That was quite easy, wasn't it?


  • Now you will have to do all of these.
























  • And these too (including repetitions).















Proceed to Step 2 only when you feel that you can challenge Baba Ramdev anytime to a Yoga Bash Tournament.



Step 2: Evil Potion

  • Buy a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi. Empty it.

  • Buy a rare vintage wine imported from Italy. Drain out 3/4th part of it into the washbasin. Pour the rest of it into the empty Pepsi bottle.

  • Don’t forget to kiss your hamster every 5 minutes.




















  • Add a pinch of salt, pepper, sugar, and talcum powder.

  • Drop a dollop of pineapple jelly and a teaspoonful of wishful thinking (Ask the white princess in wonderland if you can borrow some. Or you can request Alice to steal it).

  • Pour the mixture into your bathtub.

  • Stir the mixture with a cricket bat.

  • Act as if you’re brewing an eternal love potion.

  • But grin like an evil witch.

















  • Fill the bathtub with water.

  • Gargle with that solution. 2 minutes for each mouthful. Don’t stop until the bathtub is empty. If you have to pee urgently, you will have to pee in the bathtub. Don’t worry, it will taste better (comparatively).



Step 3: Sneeze With Eyes Open

  • Attempt to sneeze with your eyes open exactly ten times.
  • If you fail in all of the ten attempts – Congratulations, you’re good to go.
  • But if you were successful - Shoo! Liar!



















Step 4: Publish your Obituary Notice

  • Write your Obituary Notice in Shakespearean style and publish it.
  • Then go undercover.
  • Deactivate your facebook account.
  • Tweet “I’m Screwed”.
  • Borrow the Invisibility Cloak from Harry Potter.



Step 5: Write an Essay

  • Write an essay in about 15,000 words on either of the topics given below.
“Why Women Blink Twice As Much As Men”
 Or “Isn’t it Unfair That Fingernails grow 4 times faster than Toenails?”



Step 6: Research

  • Find out why Adolf Hitler had only one testicle. Was the other one bitten off by an arctic wolf? Did he donate it? Did he send it to a museum? Did he eat it for lunch one day?



Step 7: Go On a World Tour

  • Pack your bags. There is a city called Rome in each of the 6 continents. Visit all of them.
  • In the end, visit Santa Claus and ask him why he preferred the north pole over the south pole.



Step 8: Ride A Llama

  • Ride a Llama and make sure that he/she is well fed.
  • Talk to it about International Politics all along the way.




















Step 9: Romance a primate

  • Kiss a capuchin.
  • Salsa dance with a gorilla.
  • Go on a candlelight dinner with an orangutan. 




















 


Step 10: The Zebra Controversy

  • Dress up as a Zebra.
  • Put some ketchup on yourself.
  • Lie down in the middle of a busy street and act dead.
  • Count the number of people who step over you by mistake.



Step 11: Listen to Justin Beiber

  • This is probably the toughest one. Get yourself drunk. And listen to Justin Beiber for 6 minutes. That will be enough.
 


















Step 12: Television

  • Watch an entire episode of a Hindi TV serial with the same concentration as if you're watching a porn flick.
  • Don’t entertain thoughts like, “What is the score?”, “When will the IPL match begin?” And don’t fantasize about what Mandira Bedi might be wearing.



Step 13: Mythology

  • Sculpt a statue of a Valkyrie and worship it with vodka thrice a day.



Step 14: The Most Important Step

Make a deposit of $100 Billion in my Swiss Bank account number XXXXXXXX13927400MAKEMERICH82930MORETHANBILLGATESEVERDREAMTOFBEING87934YEAH



Step 15: The Final Step – Divine Intervention

  • Run through the entire list a hundred times and make sure that you have obeyed each and every step with meticulous precision. You may repeat Step 14 a few times over and again for good luck.

  • Write my Name in Japanese Calligraphy style, and hang it on the wall. Go down on your knees, and worship it like an Egyptian slave worshipping Amun-Ra. Kiss the ground a few times. Shout out my name. Weep tears of Joy. “Glory! Glory! Glory Be Unto Thee Xeno”

  • Repeat Step 14 as many times as you can. Advise your friends to perform Step 14 as well.



If you have been sincere enough, after 72 hours of fasting, worshipping, and Step 14-ing, there will be a ‘Xeno-ic’ Divine Intervention.

And you will be rewarded.

Now log into your indiblogger account.

Lo and Behold!

Indiblogger has been HACKED for you by The Xeno!

Rejoice!


P.S: Repeat Step 14 if it worked. Repeat Step 14 if it didn’t work. What is necessary is the periodic repetition of Step 14. I hope you are sensible enough to have understood that by now.


Image Sources:
http://www.sodahead.com/fun/halloween-costumes/question-1207567/
http://www.solarnavigator.net/animal_kingdom/mammals/chimpanzee.htm
http://www.bgosur.com/health/sneezing/
http://www.bluebison.net/content/?p=188
http://adwokat-jastrzebie.pl/licznik/witches-brewing&page=3
http://cyclenut.blogspot.com/
http://upyourasana.wordpress.com/category/yoga/