Call it coincidence if you will, but the last minute decision of choosing to buy this book after sniffing every corner of the oxford bookstore with 200 bucks in my pocket, seems like divine intervention right now. “May I Hebb Your Attention Pliss” by bong cum blogger cum author Arnab Ray of greatbong.net was just the book that I needed to read to recharge my sarcasti-battery with fresh green renewable non-polluting energy.

Any Indian would agree that India is a great place. Many still would prefer to go abroad and study elsewhere but most come back home to good old India. At least that’s what they tell me. Of course, they also tell me that I could never live in India. Their reasoning is that life in the US is too much different and long. life in India is very difficult. They seriously think that an American couldn’t or wouldn’t stick around for

Apparently they don’t know how stubborn I can be. Telling me these things only fuels the fire that makes me find a way to work through the challenges of living here. Yep. That’s right. After being warned I couldn’t live here I packed up my life and moved to Punjab. Am I crazy? Am I stupid? I might just be a little of both but I did it anyway. And don’t ask me why (because I don’t have an answer) but I was a little surprised not to see more foreigners living here.

I landed in India optimistic that life would not be so different here that I couldn’t manage to survive it unscathed. Boy was I wrong! My body had pretty much 0% immunity to the germs and bacteria here so I wound up getting sick repeatedly. There are fruits and vegetables here that I’ve never seen and the foods that I have seen actually go out of season. This wouldn’t be a bad thing if I hadn’t been such a spoiled American used to having everything at my fingertips year round. I lived with just about every convenience you can think of and life does not work that way here.

I was also naïve to think that since I had lived in a joint family system before that moving into this one would be okay. Again I was terribly mistaken! Apparently growing up as a child in a joint family is extremely different than entering one as an adult. Though, I’m not sure that I could pass off all the things that have happened as being mature or adult because there has been some pretty childish stuff going on.

Curious? I don’t blame you – my life is like a TV drama that no one has written about yet. But you can find out more, I write incessantly about the daily craziness on my blog “White Bhabi” and I don’t sugar coat the details. And to answer the question “WTH is a White Girl Doing in Punjab?”….well, I’m living, loving and blogging to pass the time!

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White Bhabi comes over to Sarcasti-Nation all the way from Amritsar, Punjab to tell us something about herself. Visit her blog http://scandaloussneaky.blogspot.com for a taste of the story that she has to tell.

“Flatulence” is just a nice way of saying “Fart” when in the company of classy people talking about art and weather with lips kissing glasses containing vintage wine. The word might be made socially acceptable by the usage of a synonym that sounds less tainted than the original. But that doesn’t change the reputation of its actual meaning, does it?

How far can you go

How wild can you dream

How high can you jump

How deep can you dive

How fast can you run

How long can you sleep

How much can you eat

How happy can you be

The list will never cease to grow.

There is a time and place for everything.

But do I really need to know?

That there ain’t a time for nothing.

One fine morning, curiosity inspired me to waste some time by scanning the advertisements in the Weddings section of the newspaper. After 5 minutes, I found a not-so-surprising similarity in all the adverts. Everyone wanted a ‘fair’, ‘good-looking’, ‘good-complexion’ woman. There wasn’t a single advert without a specification of that kind.

And I wondered…

What about all the women who are not ‘fair’, do not have a ‘good complexion’, and hence, cannot be classified as ‘good-looking’ by the confused Indian multicultural society.

Questions flooded my mind – Is fairness a primary and necessary trait for a beautiful woman? If someone is fair, but not good looking, is she considered good looking? If someone is good looking, but not fair, is she considered good looking?

ACTIVATE: T.H.O.U.G.H.T PROCESS [Temporary Hiatus Of Understanding Given for Heavy Thinking]

Yeah I know the above line doesn’t make any meaning. Never mind. Let us move on.

So what was I talking about?

Yeah.

1. College life is pretty exhausting. You’ll wish you had 30 hours to spend each day (20 in college, 4 at home, and 6 under the covers in your bed.)

2. Chances are, that all the good looking girls end up in the other classrooms.

3. Chances are, you’ll have a crush on a senior “didi” (sister) as well as your humanities ‘mam’.

4. Chances are, a lot of people will be after the person you’re after. [Update: Not applicable for me anymore. But aptly applicable for others for sure. Heavy competition. I hope you understand.]

5. Chances are, you’ll discover earlier than expected, how inexperienced you are, with non-boys.

6. Whoever said that ragging is a type of self-education, was a dumb-head (I wanted to say D*ckhead initially, but then I thought dumb is more appropriate than duck. ‘U’ get me?)

7. New words will be added to your vocabulary under the category of ‘slangs’. Even if you use them or not, at the very least, you’ll know what the ‘rickshaw-puller’ just said to the rash driving taxi.

8. You can easily be what you want to be no matter what you were before – The studious first bencher, the last bench prankster, the all-class sleeper, the sportsman, the rockstar, the cool dude, the nature-boy, the talkative, the thug, anything you want to be.

9. Each and every moment, you’ll be creating memories you know that you’ll cherish forever.

10. And yes of course, you’ll learn some physics, mathematics, mechanics, electrical, electronics, and humanities. Not that it is important – it’s just that a part of the money that your parents pay for a happy college life, is donated to a bunch of incoherent fools who write something called a ‘syllabus’ and you’ve got to follow that the night before your exams. (Yes, you’ll learn to insult your Board as badly as that).

Anyway, the upper and lower eyelids of my eyes are begging for some intimate time together. I hope I’ll be back sooner than you can say, “The Xeno forgot that he has got a blog.”

40 followers??? How can I ever forget you guys?