It’s weird how time passes by us like a stealthy ninja, all the while, stealing everything that we have with us. It is like an experienced thief as it skillfully pick-pockets everything. Sometimes it even manages to take away the things which we have always held close to our heart. And today for the first time in my life, I am scared that it will take away my heart too. I am afraid that if i do not act soon enough, it will surely take away things which are irreplaceable and are of penultimate importance in my life. It will cordon off my dreams and push me towards the common-folk whom i have despised all my life.

The fantasy world in which i was living was mercilessly shattered to pieces and i was given a bitter bitter taste of reality. And i realized that i was living in a world of hypnopompic delusions based on fake superficies like…

“Oh that won’t happen to me.”
“I dont think that is possible.”
“This wont affect me.”
“That cant be the answer.”
“Bad happens, but this time it wont.”

But it took me some time. And i fear that after all is over, i might suddenly realize that whatever i had realized was not what i was supposed to.



I have begun doubting the very elemental theories and basic i-think-i-know facts which support me and show me the way forward. If you were my shadow, you wouldn’t know about my life in the dark. If you were the light, you wouldn’t know what the dark was. And so you would be completely unaware about a sizable chunk of my life. If you were to live one day of my life, at the end of it, maybe you would point out how conspicuous my weaknesses and mistakes were. And maybe you would be right. But for me, they are all camouflaged within the fog of illusion and subterfuge reason. It’s a cockamamie paramnesia. Silly but serious. It has cast to shade my reputation which cannot be salvaged anymore. When the past events of my life will come under casual thought, only nefarious deeds will prove to be a satisfactory answer. None will express it though. They don’t need to. Because only the innocent will know how badly they have been wronged.

Sometimes, our faults are not in equal proportions to the unfair consequences which we have to suffer. Sometimes, even our success is tiny compared to the magnitude of sacrifices that we make for it. And attainment of ‘Nirvana’ to every student means the perfection of this ratio.

I write today’s purple-prose blog post for a reason. And it is not to preach my ‘gyaan’ or to express the plight of my plagued life.

Today, i make a declaration and a promise. This might seem like one of those well-intended-but-not-followed-for-long promises or an ornate declaration of ‘nothing’. And it might even turn out to be so. But apparently this is the best way i know to inspire myself.

I pledge that i will refrain from wasting time in things that are not important for my maths examinations ahead. This is the final test of my school life and i can’t spoil it all. I am going to study a hundred times harder and a hundred times over again until and unless my mathematics exam ends. This is it.

I end with a few lines from a song by Switchfoot which inspires me quite often on abstinence from dysfunctional-thinking.

~

“Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead.

Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken.

Don’t close your eyes. Don’t close your eyes.

This is your life. And today is all you’ve got now.

And today is all you’ll ever have.

Don’t close your eyes. Don’t Close your eyes.

This is your life. Is this who you wanna be?”

This is your life. Is this everything you’ve dreamed that you would be.

When the world was younger, and you have everything to lose.

~

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P.S.1:- If you’ve been laughing all throughout this post… sue you!

P.S.2:- Maths is on 22nd. So i don't lose much! :p
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Picture Courtesy: KEVIN ASMUS