Sarcasti-Nation: An Interview With

Posted by The Xeno · Thursday 24 March 2011

Yes, An interview with me, myself – The Xeno. Kindly put on your hyperbole-prevention-helmets (HPH).

X X X X X X X X X X X X X Part 1 X X X X X X X X X X X X X

After being rejected several times, finally, on 24^th Of March, the heavens blessed me the chance of a lifetime. My appointment request for a face-to-face interview with The Xeno was confirmed.

That morning, was probably the most important day of my life as I made my way through the large iron gates of The Xenoic Villa. I felt like an ant, walking through the cobbled-stone pathway littered with autumn leaves and patterned by the shadow of the sunlight glinting through the overhead arch formed by the branches of aspen trees flanking me. Soon enough, the trees and the garden made way to show me the most spectacular view of the mansion.

As soon as I reached the entrance staircase, the butler of the house greeted me. He looked somewhat similar to Micheal Gough, who played the role of the Butler in the Batman movie series.

I was escorted into the main hallway and through a door beside the stairwell. I wished I had more time to admire the portraits adorning the walls of the hallway, but the butler wasn’t too fond of walking slow. He led me to a mahogany red door and gestured that this was where I was supposed to meet him. I opened the door and found myself standing in front of what could be called a library of gigantic proportions. The walls were hidden by rows and rows of shelves full of books. There were probably a gazillion books in the room.

“So, do you like my library?”

I was taken aback by the profound voice of the one and only The Xeno. The multi-billionaire man, with a personality, every sage in the mountains of The Himalayas prayed for. He was sitting in his armchair, giving me a modest 100-watt smile which radiated such power that could make a stadium full of girls melt in their seats. The record-breaking internationally bestselling author of “I Often Wonder Who Let The Dogs Out”, “I Still Don’t Know Who Let The Dogs Out”, “Please Tell Me Who Let The Dogs Out”, “Does Anyone Know Who Let The Dogs Out?”, “Where The Hell Did The Dogs Go Anyway?”, “Okay I Don’t Want To Know Who Let The Dogs Out”, “The Dogs Return”, “Who Let The Cats Out Now?”.

I struggled to find my words. Those Webster Merriam dictionaries weren’t of any good.

“Please have a seat.”

Its weird how one automatically obeys anything that he is told when he is so stupefied by his enchanting personality. I sat on the comfy armchair opposite to him. Being tensed as hell, I felt honored to be sitting in front of a man like him, as my backside struggled to get a better view. But I managed to start, as Michael

Nyman played the piano in the background.

Q1. I will never be able to put down in expression or words as to how honored I feel to be sitting in front of a man like you. Thank you for sharing with me a few moments of your precious hour.

Ans > *Smiles* Yes I should say that I’ve been quite busy with too many things these days. But as I always say, persistent efforts always pay off in the end.

Q2. And I promise I won’t take up too much of your time either. So, Mr. Xeno, - so much of money, fame, status, paparazzi, blogging, music, politics, and your own personal life, how do you manage all that? What is the secret of that perfect balance?

Ans > That is something which I learned at a smaller scale during my schooldays. Back in those days, we had to balance our studies, projects, blogs, facebook, games, parents, hang-outs, girls, booze, and such a lot of things all at a time. None of us were perfectionists of those balancing-acts but still we managed somehow. So that has developed through time.

Q3 > And what is the reason behind this insatiable thirst of reading books?

Ans > Blame it on the genes.

Q4 > What are you working on currently?

Ans > Excluding my daily activities like blogging, playing guitar, reading books, I’m working on a book titled “I Don’t Even Want To Know Who Let The Cats Out”. Although I don’t like to indulge myself into politics during the autumn, I’ve had to lend my advice to Gaddafi in recent times. Barak Obama has been coaxing me to join his family for a holiday at the Hawaii. Julian Assange has requested me to intervene in his extradition and I’ve had to make some calls for that. Anne Hathaway has been calling in to share her thoughts <smirks> silly girl! Eminem wants me to read his lyrics and make suggestions for improvement aaand <sighs> there’s a lot more!

Q5 > That’s quite a busy schedule you have there. And what…

I was interrupted by a phone call. He gestured at me to wait for a minute, as he walked towards the center of the room. Not that I was eavesdropping, but I couldn’t resist hearing a few words of it.

“No, look Justin that is not what you should be worried about.”
“Come on! Why do you even care?”
“So what? Don’t give a damn to all those people.”
“Look if you sing with all your heart and soul, nothing can stop you.”
“Ah, there will always be those people who are jealous.”
“I suggest that you go out with him. Yes.”
“Don’t worry about that. Just go out, have a good time.”
“Okay. Take care Justin.”

He smiles apologetically as he sits in his armchair again.

“Oh you see! It was Justin Beiber. These days he is so mentally frustrated that he doesn’t get the time to hang out with his boyfriend. Anyway, lets continue shall we?”

Q5 > Sure. Do you have any regrets about any moment of your life?

Ans > Well, I did have such moments. But then I’ve had my revenge. The Mafia handled it perfectly.

Q6 > Okay, sir now I will give you 20 words sequentially and you have to tell me the first word that comes to you mind when you hear each word.

Pet – Dog
Grandmother – Orthodox
Bedsheet – White
Girl – Alien
Kim Kadarshian – Hot
Movie – Big Fish
Actor – Johny Depp
Actress – Sandra Bullock
Industry – Rammstein
Thrash – Metallica
Life – Long
Burger – King
Toffee – Éclairs
Lesbian – Waste of female population
Gay – Usage of excess male population
Karan Johar – Coffee
Poet – Pablo Neruda
Author – Roald Dahl
Bored - Me
Kiss – No please.